I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
