im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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