she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
