hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
