how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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