i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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