The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
