I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
