And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
