I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
