There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
