But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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