can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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