Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
