You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
