if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
