I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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