Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
