I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
