$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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