So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
