Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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