I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
