im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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