I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
