The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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