imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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