Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
