i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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