Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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