On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
