i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
