when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
