turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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