I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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