i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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