I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
