Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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