i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
