Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
