I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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