dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
