this beer tastes like vomit already
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
