I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
