I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
