And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
