i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
