He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
someone threw a dead crab at me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
