after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
