how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
