Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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