If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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