isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
