hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
