I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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