i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
where am i from again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
