Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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