Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
