Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
