Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
