She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
