lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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