and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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