the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
