just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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