Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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