If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
