Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
