The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
