Whod you bang
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
